no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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