remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
