she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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