he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
