I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
