so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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