I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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