also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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