I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
