just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
