That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize