people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
