I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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