My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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