oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
