So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about my life...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
