He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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