chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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