carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
