If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
