It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
