Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize