eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
