we have pet lesbian snakes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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