my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
