Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
