Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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