You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
