it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
