Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
