i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
