meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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