soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
