Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize