youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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