I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
