she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
