See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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