What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
