That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
