here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
