Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
