This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
