I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
