dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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