Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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