omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
