last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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