I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize