OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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