My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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