you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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