how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
