dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
