operation have a gay friend backfired
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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