I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
