Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
