I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
