Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
