I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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