A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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