why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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