Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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