i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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