I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize