So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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