A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
