i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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