I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
